Revision Plan:
1) I think the part of the story that is still in the "known" world is at a good state with quite a bit of detail. My mentor's advice is something that has really helped me is at the heart of the story.
2) I really need to focus on the progression of the story and showing, not explaining, what I have learned throughout the story. I also need to focus more on developing the different archetypes throughout and include what actually happened and not a totally watered down version.
a) I will try to include more conversations and interactions with people that will give the story a more "real" feel.
b) In doing this I will simply have to overcome the idea of someone reading my draft and also figure out how to say what I want the reader to understand.